Conversation enders...what have you said or heard that caused a long silence? - uqpu.net

Conversation enders...what have you said or heard that caused a long silence?

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Wisdom

Well, my marriage has not only mgaaned to survive after an affair, but our marriage is better than it was before the affair (well, if not better stronger and more mature). My wife cheated on me, and while I was devestated and thunderstruck, we decided to see if this was something we could work past and save our relationship.The primary advice I can give to you is to make sure that you are willing to make changes to make the marriage work as much as you expect to get your spouse to make changes. Most of the time after an affair the spouse will make their SO simply pay for what they did in order to show that they won't put up with what happened and make them pay the price. The problem is that once the pennence is over your relationship is no better off and probably worse off than it was beforehand.As much as it seemed like the wrong thing to do, when my wife cheated on me we tried to figure out what we could BOTH do to fix our marriage. Sure there were more than a few screaming matches and attempts by me to try to push her away to see if she would just leave. And I certainly called her a number of things that I wouldn't be allowed to repeat here. However, when it came to the marriage I also talked to her about what was lacking in our marriage from her perspective and we BOTH tried to address it. I didn't just draw up a list of demands that she please me, I worked on the marriage and things I was not doing or communicating and she did the same.It was a hard and painful journey, one that 3 years later is probably not 100% complete. Yet, I can say with certaintly that we are closer now than we ever were before and we understand each other now more than we ever did before. Sure there are moments where I let myself dwell on what happened, but honestly my main regret is that it took us going that far down before we were willing to fight for our marriage.So yes, it certainly can work, but you have to BOTH invest into it for it to work. That means you have to give as much as you get which seems wrong to reward him for his bad behavior, but in the end, if you both commit to the relationship, it can work out.That doesn't mean it can work out for everyone, nor does it mean that it will work for you. However, it is certainly possible to overcome this so long as you don't just try to forgive and forget. It isn't about putting it behind you, it is about moving forward to a point where it happens to be behind you. But you will never forget, that is the thing you both will always have to live with. I hope for your family that it is mainly a regret that you both ever let it get that far.

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