, I have tried and tried to connect with him. He is emoaiontlly unavailable and always has been at least for the past 8 years out of 9! I have cried and begged with him to listen to me, begged him to go to counseling, we went to 3 sessions and then he thought the counselor wanted to sleep w me so we couldn't go anymore! In our entire marriage he has never apologized to me, not even once! I have cried at his feet begging him to listen to me, telling him we need help, telling him he is destroying us. He either continues to stare at the tv and ignore me or tells me to go to bed, your not getting your problem solved tonight! or get the F out of my face . He only touches me when he wants sex for the most part, and that's the only time he says I love you to me, and since i pointed out to him that he only tells me he loves me during sex, he now refuses to say it even then. He will go 3-4 months without telling me he loves me. He says I am the one with the problem and that his marriage is fine, He feels he shows his love by commuting and going to work everyday for our family. I have told him i have a different love language and although I appreciate that dearly it takes more to make this marriage work. I don't like the person he is, he is negative in every aspect, he is racist, he is judgmental of all others, he thinks he is always right and no one else can have an opinion and if they do of course they are stupid. Needless to say I have been miserable for years, but have tried and tried to convince myself to stay because of my children and the vows I took, I didnt get married to get divorced. I am scared as hell to go out into this world on my own with 3 kids! I have not finished college, I have worked part time for 7 years and i make about $17-18 an hour. I know its not a lot. I have never wanted to break my kids up from having both parents at home, but I am in my early 30 s now and i feel i can not continue to waste my life. I am scared to tell him goodbye, i don't know how. He thinks everything is fine. He is in oblivion! Lately i try to get out of the house with the kids or by myself as much as possible. I have been in counseling by myself for 8 months. I feel i have tried so much., now I feel I am turning cold towards him, I feel that he may be picking up on my distance because he bought me a valentines gift which in all years past he has made it very clear to me that Valentines day and all other made up holidays are fake and he doesn't celebrate them! He also told me that I looked nice for the first time EVER last weekend before we went out, usually he tells me whats wrong with my hair or outfit, I told him to stop being so nice to me I am not use to it. He even reached out to hug and kiss me and tell me he loved me before bed one night I again asked him why are u being so nice he said I am always nice I said Yeah right!I have this pic of me that I put in a frame and gave to him for our anniversary so he could take to work all my friends said I looked like a model in it, he said it was not a good pic of me, and didnt want to take it to work, so I placed it out on our table then a few days later i find it stuffed in a drawer!!!!!He didn't even tell me happy mothers day on Mothers day or happy birthday on my birthday, its like these phrases are to hard for him to say, he is emoaiontlly constipated as i like to put it! .i walk around my house and wonder how am i going to tell him, how am i going to break my childrens hearts, how the HELL AM I GOING TO DO THIS??? Now heres the kicker that everyone is probably going to get angry w me for. When i was 15 I met a boy, he was visiting my friend on vacation, we had an amazing connection and day just one amazing day as kids together, well .17 years later I find him on Facebook, say hello, he is married no children, thinks he is happy then BAM, something starts growing between us! Something i cant explain. He and I are both in turmoil now, he is broken hearted and angry at himself for feeling this way and for breaking his vows and hurting his wife and shocking his family (no one knows yet). He is an amazing man with a wonderful heart that didnt know that this could or would be able to happen to him. He and I live in different states but we communicate daily via phone, email, text, im, web cam. He is planning a visit to see me soon. Flying in for 4 hours to meet me again and see how we feel face to face. Right now we feel we are in love, he accepts me with my children, he is willing to move to my state. We talk about the future, we dont want to date,My Question was so long that it didnt show all the bottom line is. How do I tell him I am going to leave him, when he is clueless. How do I truly do this, without breaking my childrens hearts .I am sick over this everyday. My heart is hurting and I have no answers I feel like a zombie. I never thought I would hurt a married women, so my heart is breaking for this women I dont even know as well. I just need advice on how to actually tell a man that is denial that and that never communicates with me that this is real, I am scared to death!