Now I'm like, well duh! Truly thnakful for your help.
and the hundreds of pages of rendaigs i have to read and catch up on.recently, i was logged into my girlfriends online chat, and i found out that she was talking with another guy asking if he could get her some vodka to take to a hotel for a school event with thousands of coeds. she was going to attend. she told him that she and her friend (female) were going to have the a room to themselves in hotel and get totally f*cked up. When i read this, i was completely devastated. Nothing but horrific images came to my mind and i felt betrayed in a way because i have always trusted her, and we have had serious talks about drinking alcohol and about partying before. And to see this thing going on behind my back is devastating to me. the next day i tried to hint it out if she could tell me if she was planning something behind my back or is she was thinking of doing something. she kept denying it but i knew she didn't want to admit it. i finally broke out and told her i knew about her plans and that i cannot trust her anymore if she was going to do these kinds of things behind my back. yet instead of feeling any sorrow for the promises she broke and heartbreak she caused, she gets mad at me for spying on her. i do respect her privacy but this time i felt suspicious of her and consequently caught her in the act. so she tells me that she does not want to hear or talk to me ever again forever. i took that comment to the heart and felt as if she was breaking up with me. so then i told her we were done . then shecompletely flips out on me and basically talks sh*t about me and how im not good enough for her. blah blah .. so then later that evening i asked if we could talk and work it this problem. and i apologized to her and everything (even though it wasnt my fault) and she wouldnt take me back. she decided we should just be friends for a while and take a break.i really love her and this is the first time we have ever crossed the line of breaking up, but i just want to fix things with her. but all she tells me is that its my fault for breaking up with her. and im the one being blamed for everything, when in reality, it was she that was doing things behind my back and she basically broke it off with me (by telling me she does not want anything to do with me anymore ever again) .. all i did was say we're done and now im being blamed for everything.i have been trying to fix things with her and she told me that she wants a break (no communication, no texting, email, nothing whatsoever) until the time is right. after a day or two she sent me a couple messages saying hi and we talked, then the day after we hung out. and we ended up kissing, everything had gone great, romantic dinner, fun evening, happy conversations then the next day she emails me saying that she still feels that im a complete asshole for breaking up with her and that we should go on a break again. this really breaks my heart because i feel as if i have become a complete stranger to her and she calls me by my first name now as if im some random guy talking to her.. im just really scared that she wants to go on this break so that she could move on and forget about me. i really dont know what to do anymore. she keeps bringing up the fact that i broke up with her when in fact it was her fault and i only feel worse about myself for something i shouldnt even be getting blamed for. i really want this relationship to workout for us and i want to put all this mess behind us but she doesnt see it that way and she doesnt want to talk or see me anymore.i want to fix things with her but i dont know how. she wants space but i want to talk and fix things. i really believe we can both work this out by communication, but shes giving me the silent treatment. what should i do???